your weekly guide to the stars, sun and (full) moon

August 30, 2021

Do you smell that? No, we didn’t fart: Big decisions are in the air as Mercury moves into the oh-so-social sign of Libra. You’ll be flush with charm and may feel the urge to socialize big-time this week, so resist the temptation to chat with your neighbor in the next stall (or don’t). You may find yourself having to make more choices than usual, so listen to your internal rumbling — it will never bullshit you.

Aries

This week might bring a tough shituation where you have to choose between friends or lovers, Aries. Pro tip: Keep the one who always remembers to replace the empty TP roll.

Taurus

Doo what you gotta doo when it comes to making choices related to work and coworkers this week, Taurus, even if it means excusing yourself from a meeting to poop.

Gemini

This week pushes both of your charming poo-sonalities into the spotlight, Gemini. Your biggest decision might just be which social invitations to accept and which ones to flush.

Cancer

Be prepared to make a big choice involving your love life this week, Cancer — even if it’s just whether or not to poop with the door open in front of your partner.

Leo

This week could mean making a choice about a contract or agreement, Leo. So be sure to scope out all the fine print before you sign — after all, it makes for excellent toilet reading.

Virgo

Smell that? Big decisions related to your finances are in the air this week, Virgo. Make the right move and you’ll be flush with cash for years (okay, at least days) to come.

Libra

With Mercury in your sign this week, it’s all about you, social butterfly. Just be sure to prioritize your own happiness in every decision you make, because you are the shit and everyone knows it.

Scorpio

This week could involve some big choices involving your poo-sonal life, Scorp — so you might wanna carve out time to think it over (while you’re pooping, of course) before committing to a decision.

Sagittarius

This week you’ll have to make some big choices about your future goals, Sag. That may just mean deciding where to buy your next plane ticket to, but either way: Shit or get off the pot.

Capricorn

Your reputation at work could be at stake this week, Cap, so take caution when making choices involving authority figures (and lock the bathroom door to prevent your boss from busting in on you).

Aquarius

Whether it’s travel, spiritual pursuits, or something else entirely, you may face a choice this week around the shit that inspires you, Aquarius — so trust your gut to make the poofect decision.

Pisces

This week you may be called upon to help out a friend in a stinky situation, Pisces — but if it feels like they’re dumping their crap on you, keep in mind you can always choose to walk away.