Awkward Odor: A Series Of Secret Stinky Submissions, Part 3 – Poo~Pourri

Awkward Odor: A Series Of Secret Stinky Submissions, Part 3

Odor can be annoying. We’re talking cringe, awkward, and even as aggressive as a roundhouse kick to the face. But the beauty of every smelly situation is that it always ends in a stinkin’ hilarious story. It’s tradition around here for new hires to share their most vulnerable moments with odor on their first day. That’s why we’ve compiled a series of secret tales straight from the people that know exactly how jarring funky fumes can be—the ~Pourri employees themselves!

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Sour Puppy Tummy

My friend had just gotten a puppy and was eager to bring him to an outdoor patio restaurant on a lovely Saturday afternoon! Let me set the scene here—the place was packed, people are walking around all around us, and there are barely any tables available for us to sit. As we are walking around, trying to find a seat to order food and drinks, my friend's puppy completely stops walking. I look down so confused and think, "why we are stopping?" Then in that moment I realize - her pup is totally taking a poop in the middle of the walkway of this restaurant's outdoor patio!! We are mortified, embarrassed, and in complete shock. Now you might think, "Okay whatever, no big deal! Just pick it up! Normal puppy activity!" Ummmm, NOPE. This wasn't just your typical small puppy poop. It was one of those wet, mushy, and icky poops that when you try to use a poop bag to pick it up - it just smears EVERYWHERE! It was so smelly and so terrible. Everyone around us saw it and got a laugh, so I guess it's a great convo starter! HA.

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The Cologne Culprit

When I was living in New York, I was always out and about, going from work to a bar or hanging with friends. I really only came home to sleep, so I wasn’t there much. That meant I carried a backpack around most days with everything I’d need in it, so I wouldn’t have to go back and forth to my apartment. One day after work I had a date planned that I was super excited for, and I brought a change of clothes, cologne, deodorant, etc. so I would be fresh ta death. So I get to the spot we had planned to meet at and I’m waiting at the bar. My date arrives a couple minutes later and she’s great! We’re having a good time talking, but all of a sudden we get a whiff of some super strong fragrance... You know when someone who’s wearing too much perfume walks past you, or you share an elevator with them and all you can smell is that overwhelming scent? It was like that. Everyone in the bar starts looking over in our direction and the bartender opens the door to let some air in. At this point I’m so confused cause I can’t tell where it’s coming from. My date goes to use the bathroom and I look around me, only to realize there’s a puddle coming from inside my backpack... My glass cologne bottle had broken at some point and spilled everywhere! IT WAS ME!! I quickly threw the remnants in the trash and tried to wipe up what I could on the floor with cocktail napkins before my date came back. I did NOT tell her what happened and suggested we move to a new bar. Hopefully she never sees this...

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Google Saves The Day

So I used to work in a very small office as an administrative assistant for a solar panel installation company. RIVETING, I know. Now, by small office, I mean it was just me, the owner of the company, the owner’s spouse, and a few of the installers that would drop in for supplies a few times a week. In this tiny office, there was one tinier bathroom that felt like a broom closet with a toilet in it. Most of the time, it was really just me, by myself in the office. So one day when I had to take a hefty dump, I didn’t think much about it. The dump went amazingly, and as I’m getting ready to finish up, I turn around to flush the toilet but nothing happens. I think, “Okay, don’t panic just try it again.” Nothing. I keep jiggling the handle thinking maybe that will do the trick, but nothing works. I am NOT a handy person, nor do I know how to fix many things around the house so I start to sweat. I lift the top off the tank and look inside thinking that will help. Then I see a bucket nearby, so I fill it with water to try to manually flush it. IT MAKES THINGS WORSE. Now it’s just my turd floating closer to the top of the toilet, and the water has risen, meaning one wrong move will determine my fate. The phone rings at this moment and I answer—it’s my boss saying he’s coming to the office with a few of the installers. OH NO. I rushed to the computer in a frantic attempt to find literally anything that might help the situation. Now I must say that Google really saved me that day. I immediately started searching online “how to make toilet flush” and did some stellar research in about 5 minutes. I felt like a cyborg scanning a book in 10 seconds and absorbing all of its information. It’s amazing what fear can do to a person. Anyway, thankfully I was able fix it by twisting the knob of the pipe behind the toilet to make it flush again, in NO LESS than a couple of minutes before their arrival. I was like “Wow, should I have been an engineer?” My boss did ask me if everything was okay because I think he could tell just by my face that I had just been through something. I told him, “EVERYTHING’S FINE!!” He did not ask anymore questions.

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