your weekly guide to the stars, sun and (full) moon

August 16, 2021

Love is in the air now that Venus is in Libra, and it definitely does not stink. While this could mean you’ll be blown away by a new romantic love connection, keep in mind that love (much like your poop) can take many different forms. So keep an eye out for random flirtations with strangers or new pals that make you laugh so hard you poo your pants. And as always, do your doody and love yourself first — because you are the shit.

Aries

You’re the shit when it comes to relationships this week, Aries. If a romantic shituation crops up, resist the urge to rush into anything. Instead, just relax and let go — your love life is in perfect flow.

Taurus

As one of the most dependable signs of the zodiac, your co-workers are loving your hardworking poo-sonality even more than usual this week. (Cheers for remembering to replace the empty TP roll.)

Gemini

Your love life is hot shit this week, Gemini. It could be go time for a new relationship — just be sure they meet both of your sparkling poo-sonalities first.

Cancer

Hanging out at home is looking even more appealing than usual this week — and who can blame you? You’ve got a comfy couch, plenty of snacks, and the only the finest 3 ply TP for your tush.

Leo

This week others seem to give a crap about your big ideas even more than usual, Leo. Your siblings and even your neighbors are hanging on your every word, reminding you that you’re the shit.

Virgo

It’s a great week for personal poo-sessions, so after you drop the kids off at the pool, head straight to the mall. (Thanks to your careful budgeting, you already know exactly what you can afford.)

Libra

You’re poositively irresistible this week, Libra. No matter the shituation, you’ll likely be the center of attention this week, so just make sure you don’t have TP stuck to your shoe.

Scorpio

This week is all about behind-the-scenes activities for you — a real dream come poo as the most private member of the zodiac. So hunker down in the bathroom with a good book and do your doody.

Sagittarius

What do you want to doo with your life, Sag? Now is a good time to focus on your future goals — like pooping on every continent. (You jet-setter, you.)

Capricorn

Your ambitious nature has you looking awfully good at work this week, Cap. Keep that shit up, because you’re on a roll when it comes to your career.

Aquarius

This week, lean into your quirky nature and doo what truly inspires you. Remember: Like your poop, you should never hold back your deepest desires.

Pisces

You’re flush with cash as your finances are looking mighty attractive this week, dear Pisces. When it comes to money or investments, listen to your internal rumbling and go with your gut.