your weekly guide to the stars, sun and (full) moon

September 13, 2021

As Venus moves into Scorpio, shit is getting real in the love department. Scorpio is the sign of transformation, meaning big shifts are in the stars for your relationships. Could this be the week you finally decide to poop with the door open in front of your boo? Either way, don’t forget to spritz the Poo~Pourri.

Aries

Your financial shituation takes center stage this week as you’re feeling flush with cash. Dump some of that money into the stock market (or buy a lottery ticket), because you’re on a roll.

Taurus

Big transformation is in the air (or is that a fart?) when it comes to your relationships this week, Taurus. Whether it’s your partner or a friend, text them from the toilet and sort that shit out.

Gemini

You’re extra beloved at work right now, Gemini. Could it be because you’re the one who always changes the TP roll and restocks the Poo~Pourri? Either way, your co-workers think you’re the shit.

Cancer

Venus in Scorpio is really shaking things up as the zodiac’s resident homebody steps into the spotlight to have a little fun. People will be blown away by your sparkling poo-sonality.

Leo

You’re extra magnetic this week when it comes to home and real estate matters, Leo. It could be go time if you’ve been looking to sell your house, so better make sure your toilet is sparkling clean.

Virgo

You’re looking mighty attractive in the travel department this week, Virgo. So buy that plane ticket you’ve been eyeing, drop the kids off at the pool and head straight to the airport.

Libra

Expect to be showered with gifts this week as Venus in Scorpio puts the focus on your personal poo-sessions. Just make sure you’ve got that shiny new bidet on your wishlist.

Scorpio

With Venus in your sign, this week is all about Y-O-U, Scorpio. Change is on the horizon, so listen to your internal rumbling, trust your gut and doo whatever feels right for you.

Sagittarius

Your intuition is the shit this week, Sag, so pay close attention to what bobs to the surface in your dreams. (Even if it’s that pesky recurring nightmare about your boss walking in on you pooping.)

Capricorn

Smell that, Cap? It’s the sweet scent of your big future goals. This week you’re extra poo-erful when it comes to making those dreams come true. Focus and you might just be blown away by the results.

Aquarius

You’re hot stuff in the workplace this week, Aquarius. All your hard work is paying off and it might just be time for that big promotion you’ve been sniffing out — so keep doing your doody.

Pisces

This week is all about whatever it is that inspires you, Pisces. So doo what you gotta doo to make plenty of time for your favorite hobby: daydreaming on the toilet while you poop.