your weekly guide to the stars, sun and (full) moon

October 18, 2021

Holy crap, you survived Mercury retrograde! We’re all thrilled to put that shit behind us — and now that Mercury’s gone direct, big “just doo it” energy is coming this way. So if you’ve been thinking about taking a trip, signing up for a class, or launching a project, it’s time to shit or get off the pot. Thankfully, Jupiter turning direct in Aquarius should give you that extra push you need to doo what you gotta doo.

Aries

If you’ve been thinking about taking a poo-sonal relationship to the next level, this week is go time. Whether that means asking them to go steady or just finally farting in front of them is up to you.

Taurus

It’s an auspicious week for your career, Taurus, so ask for what you deserve - be it a salary increase, a promotion, or a key to the fancy executive bathroom with the 3-ply toilet paper.

Gemini

You’re on a roll when it comes to creative self-expression this week, Gemini. Just be prepared to explain your Halloween costume to strangers: A giant poo with knives? You’re “silent but deadly,” duh!

Cancer

It’s no secret you’ve got big homebody energy, Cancer, so lean into it this week. After you drop the kids off at the pool, prepare for a laid-back day of nothing but maxing and relaxing at home.

Leo

You’re feeling flush with genius ideas this week, Leo. Just be sure to give yourself time to think them through before taking action - even if it just means 15 minutes of ruminating while you’re taking a dump.

Virgo

It’s no secret that you have your shit together, Virgo, so look for an opportunity to flex your organization muscle with a new project - even if it’s just a spreadsheet to analyze your daily BMs.

Libra

This week is all about you and your relationships, social butterfly. Keep communication open and remember that people love hearing from you, whether it’s an email or a FaceTime from the toilet.

Scorpio

This week is all about following your intuition, Scorpio, so listen to what your gut is telling you and act accordingly - even if all it’s saying is “don’t trust that fart.”

Sagittarius

Your sense of adventure might push you to buy a plane ticket to a far-off destination this week. Just make sure you pack the Poo~Pourri in your carry-on in case of a rumbling belly at 30,000 feet.

Capricorn

This week presents a big opportunity for you to make a name for yourself in the workplace, Cap. But proceed with caution to ensure the title hoisted upon you isn’t “worst broccoli farts in the office.”

Aquarius

Be on the lookout for a chance to doo something that inspires you this week. Whether it’s a trip somewhere exotic or an art project, listen to your internal rumbling to identify the poofect opportunity.

Pisces

You’re the shit when it comes to emotional support, Pisces - other people just love to share their woes with you. But this week, a situation may arise where you’ve just got to let that shit go.