your weekly guide to the stars, sun and (full) moon

November 8, 2021

Oh crap: Mars and Saturn are colliding this week, meaning shit could be hitting the proverbial fan. Mars is the planet that motivates us to get shit done, while Saturn has a re-poo-tation for teaching us lessons. Moral of the story? If there’s any issues stinking up our projects or relationships, they may come to a grinding halt until we sort that shit out. Trust your gut when it comes to deciding whether to ride it out, make a hard left turn, or simply let that shit go altogether.

Aries

That promotion you’ve been pushing for might finally come through this week, Aries. But if shit doesn’t feel right, don’t be afraid to walk away. You gotta trust your gut.

Taurus

Focus on the shit that inspires you this week, Taurus - even if that means binging Netflix on the loo while you drop the kids off at the pool. Just be careful walking with those numb legs.

Gemini

Smell that, Gemini? Romantic love and intimacy are in the air for you this week. All you’ve got to decide is whether or not you’re ready to poop with the door open.

Cancer

Your relationships can’t always be poofect, Cancer. A friendship or family bond might be tested this week with a smelly shituation, so remember this mantra: Let that shit go.

Leo

Pay close attention to your office routines this week, Leo. Your co-workers might be sick of you hogging the bathroom while you play games on your phone - they’ve gotta poop too, ya know.

Virgo

Expect to see some big movements in your love life as romantic pursuits come into the spotlight this week, Virgo - it’s go time. Just don’t forget to stock the bathroom with fresh TP and Poo~Pourri.

Libra

It’s a solid week for real estate moves, Libra. Whether you’re house-hunting or remodeling your bathroom, remember that your butt cheeks deserve a toilet fit for royalty.

Scorpio

Now is a great time to book that trip you’ve been thinking about, Scorp. It’s finally time to join the mile-high club (and by that we mean pooping at 30,000 feet).

Sagittarius

You’re flush with cash right now, Sag, but don’t let your bulging wallet cloud your judgment. A bedazzled bidet may not in fact be a responsible use of your paycheck this week.

Capricorn

You’re on a roll this week when it comes to big goals, Cap. So listen to your internal rumbling when it dictates your next move (then again, that could just be a fart).

Aquarius

Selfless service is your middle name, Aquarius, but this week focus on what YOU want. Doo what you gotta doo to look out for number one (especially when it comes to going number two).

Pisces

Dear Pisces, this week a friend might really need your empathetic shoulder to cry on. Just make sure they’re not emotionally dumping on you: That shit really stinks.