your weekly guide to the stars, sun and (full) moon

March 7, 2022

Shit is going down in the planets this week: As Venus, the planet of love, and Mars, the planet of action, move into the social sign of Aquarius, the stars are aligned for people to come together in poo-fect harmony. So whether it’s sparing a few squares of TP under the stall door to a neighbor, or opening your home (or bathroom) to a friend in need, do your doody for the greater good this week.

Aries

Good news, oh impatient one: The current planetary alignment means anything that might’ve felt stuck lately will start to flow again, whether that’s your bowels or your direction in life.

Taurus

Big shit is on the horizon in your career, Taurus. Just don’t let your bull-headed poo-sonality get in the way of finally snagging that promotion.

Gemini

This week is all about doo-ing what inspires you, dear Gemini. Whether that’s hopping on a flight or launching a new project, don’t wait: The planets are saying, “Shit or get off the pot.”

Cancer

Smell that, Cancer? Romance is in the air this week. Better scrub your toilet bowl and set out a fresh bottle of Poo~Pourri, just in case your love interest has to drop the kids off at the pool.

Leo

Listen up, Leo: This week your BFF might have some shit they need a little help with. Do your doody as a friend and they’ll be blown away by your selflessness.

Virgo

An explosive shituation could crop up at work this week, Virgo, but you’re perfectly prepared. Whether it’s with a plunger or a quick solution to a problem, your coworkers will recognize you’re the shit.

Libra

Listen to your internal rumbling this week, Libra. What’s that? It’s telling you to go out for karaoke with your pals and call in sick tomorrow? You do you, boo.

Scorpio

This week could bring big movements in real estate for you, Scorp. But trust your gut when it comes to signing on the dotted line: If something smells funny, flush the deal.

Sagittarius

Your adventurous poo-sonality is chomping at the bit this week, Sag, and there could be a plane ticket in your near future. Might this be the week you finally drop a deuce at 30,000 feet?

Capricorn

M-O-N-E-Y is on your mind this week, Cap. You’re feeling flush with cash, so why not buy yourself a little something? After all, you’ve been working your tush off as usual.

Aquarius

It’s all about you and your goals right now, Aquarius. Whatever the big dream is that’s been occupying your mind, it’s go time — so take the plunge and just doo it.

Pisces

It’s time to wrap some shit up this week, Pisces. Whether that’s a relationship you’ve been needing to break off for good or a project that’s ready for completion, doo what you gotta doo.