your weekly guide to the stars, sun and (full) moon

July 19, 2021

Oh, shit! Mars, Pluto and Neptune are teaming up this week to form what’s known in astrology as a “Yod”. We’ll give it to you straight: Some unexpected crap might go down this week. You might be called upon to help someone out in a big way (like say, handing a wad of TP under a stall door), or deal with something that’s totally out of your control. So flush your expectations and trust that everything will turn out for the best.

Aries

Everything’s always a competition with you, Aries. This week is your time to have fun and focus on creative self-expression, so you might as well see who can fart the loudest.

Taurus

This week might require making some adjustments at home, Taurus. Hope you’ve got a plunger on hand, because your nap might just get interrupted by an overflowing toilet.

Gemini

Expect some serious lightbulb moments this week, Gemini. There’s no telling which of your personalities will have the big idea, but both of them get their best ideas on the toilet.

Cancer

A financial windfall might be in the cards this week. Go ahead and buy that fancy new bidet you’ve been eyeing, because when it comes to pooping, there’s no place like home.

Leo

No surprise here: This week’s all about YOU, Leo (what else is new?). But instead of being the life of the potty as usual, focus your attention on where you’re headed in life.

Virgo

This week is the right time for endings and completions — so whether it’s finally finishing your latest spreadsheet or organizing your sock drawer, doo what you need to doo.

Libra

This week the spotlight is on friendship, social butterfly. Expect the possibility of a big breakthrough with your bestie, like finally sharing your pooping schedules.

Scorpio

It’s all about your reputation and status this week, oh mysterious one. Finally, everyone else will realize the big secret you’ve known all along: You’re the shit.

Sagittarius

This week is all about doing the shit that inspires you, Sag. If there’s somewhere you’ve been wanting to travel, take the plunge and buy that plane ticket.

Capricorn

You’re known for spending late nights at your laptop, overachiever. But this week, wrap that shit up a little earlier and shift your focus to getting frisky with your partner.

Aquarius

Focus your humanitarian efforts on your closest friends and family this week. Stocking the guest bathroom with Poo~Pourri and a fresh roll of TP would be a great start.

Pisces

Your co-workers are used to your dreamy nature, but this week you may need to adjust some of your office routines — like not daydreaming on the toilet for an hour.