your weekly guide to the stars, sun and (full) moon
February 7, 2022
Turn on the bathroom fan — not to dissipate the smell of your dump (you’ve got Poo~Pourri, duh!) but because it’s getting steamy in here this week. Mars, Venus, Mercury and Pluto are in a sort of planetary cuddle puddle that’s adding a whole new level of intensity to all kinds of relationships, including the L-O-V-E kind.
Big career shit could be on the horizon for you this week, Aries. Try not to get distracted by the hot office romance that’s been brewing just beneath the surface.
This week is all about the shit that inspires you, Taurus. Whether that means swiping through Tinder on the toilet till your legs go numb or binging rom-coms is up to you, boo.
It’s a banner week for intimacy in your life, dear Gemini. The only question is, which of your poo-sonalities is willing to take the plunge and let one rip in front of your partner first?
Relationships are center stage in your life right now, Cancer. Just remember that your nurturing nature does not mean people get to crap all over you: You’ve gotta demand R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
Your budding relationship with a co-worker could heat up this week, Leo. We know those primal urges can be tough to resist, but remember the old adage: Don’t shit where you eat.
Smell that, Virgo? Love is in the air. Consult the ol’ spreadsheet to pick out the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for your mate, then sit back and breathe in the sweet, sweet aroma of romance.
Doo what you gotta doo to take care of family this week, Libra, even if that simply means restocking the toilet paper in the guest bathroom. (The roll goes over not under, okay?!)
Follow that internal urge that’s been telling you to book a flight and just doo it already, Scorp. (Unless that rumbling is actually your bowels in which case… just find a bathroom, stat.)
You’re making money moves this week, Sag. Poofect timing to splurge on a little something shiny for your partner - or hey, just buy yourself that fancy bidet you’ve been eyeing.
It’s all about Y-O-U right now, Cap. So swipe right on that cutie, send that text, or tell them how you really feel. Your sex appeal is at an all-time high, and you’re on a roll right now.
Do your doody and do something nice for somebody else this week, Aquarius, even if it’s just not calling the dude in the elevator out on his silent-but-deadly fart. Hey, it happens to the best of us.
Now is the poo-fect time to focus on your relationship goals, Pisces. What do you really want in a partner: A great sense of humor? Kind eyes? A nice butt? You deserve all that and then some.