your weekly guide to the stars, sun and (full) moon

August 2, 2021

The stars are aligning in poo-fectly neat rows this week — or so it seems. With Venus and Mars in the oh-so-organized sign of Virgo, right now it’s all about order, focusing on what matters, and taking things step by step. So lock the door, spritz 3 to 5 sprays of Poo~Pourri in the bowl, neatly fold that TP into a perfect square, and do your doody.

Aries

We know you like to win, Aries, but consider letting a co-worker get their share of the glory this week. After all, it’s the least you could doo.

Taurus

Your love of laziness is legendary, but look for small ways to help the one you love. It could be as simple as restocking the TP so they’re not left sitting on the toilet shit outta luck.

Gemini

How can you help out with home and family more this week, Gemini? Doo what you gotta doo to keep your house in order — at least there’s 2 of you to shoulder the load.

Cancer

Hey, homebody: This week while you’re hanging around the house, consider how you can be a helpful neighbor. Not letting your dog poop on the lawn next door is a good start.

Leo

Expect clarity this week around money and poo-sessions, dear Leo. But security issues could also crop up, so don’t get so self-involved you forget to lock the bathroom door.

Virgo

With multiple planets in your sign, this week is “go time” for you in general, Virgo. But your astrological spreadsheets probably already warned you about that, huh?

Libra

We know you love socializing, Libra, but this is a great time to focus on your own healing. Whatever you’ve been holding in, now is the time to let that shit go.

Scorpio

As much as you value your alone time, Scorp, this week you might be called to give or receive help from a friend. So be a dear and pass that wad of TP under the stall.

Sagittarius

This week, all eyes are on you and your career. A big movement could be in the works, so use your unfiltered poo-sonality to not-so-subtly remind your boss that you’re the shit.

Capricorn

Take a little time-out from work this week to focus on what inspires you, Cap. Hear that internal rumbling? Follow that feeling — even if it’s just to the bathroom.

Aquarius

Focus on getting your finances in order this week. We get that you’re quirky and all, but that messy shoebox full of receipts could land you in a sticky shituation come tax time.

Pisces

It’s a big week for you, oh sensitive one, especially when it comes to partnership. Relationships take work, even if that just means pretending you didn’t smell your partner’s fart.